Not My Job

Changes continue for me and my writing.  The Lord spoke to my heart on the pages of my journal again, and what He spoke is for now.

stepping stonesI considered my writing to be transparent, but realize I have actually been quite guarded in my transparency. 🙂  Daddy has made clear that it’s time for my guard to come down.  It’s called trusting Him more.  I’m not sure exactly what the posts will look like, and expect Holy Spirit to make changes regularly.  However, I am certain you will feel as if you are listening to a private conversation between a Father and His child – for that is what it is.  This child sometimes questions, sometimes withdraws, sometimes marvels, and sometimes has tantrums, but she always wants to know her Daddy more.  And she wants His other children to know Him more, too.

I invite you to listen in as He reveals this very thing to me . . .

It’s not my job to convince (or even try to) others of what the Lord reveals to me.  As soon as He begins to show me something, my mind goes into “How do I write this?” or, “How do I tell this?” mode – all for the purpose of convincing others . . . not convincing them that it is “Truth” or “right” or “God,” though I fully believe it is.  But, reality check.  It’s so “they” will not reject me for yet one more “oddity.”

If I had to draw what it looks like, there’s this large group of people around me – seemingly connected by Christianity.  With each new revelation of Daddy, of Jesus, of Holy Spirit, of the kingdom of heaven, some of those people drop away from me.  Over time, the group gets smaller and smaller – noticeably so – to the point that I’m aware of what sharing another revelation will mean.  While I want very much to be so much more aware of my Jesus everywhere, in every situation, and be radically set free from the things of this world, there’s still one big thing of this world that hinders – the desire to be liked, agreed with, approved of, accepted.  Thus, the effort to explain “logically” to convince my readers, hearers, acquaintances, etc., so they’ll not leave me.

And what does that do?  It keeps me from experiencing in full that which my Daddy is revealing to me. It’s not that He won’t have others exposed to it through me.  It’s that it’s not my job to expose them, to explain “it,” to convince them.

Neither is it my responsibility to keep people liking, accepting, approving of, or attached to me in any way.  This is not in your face: “I’ll be who I am and if you don’t like it, forget you.”  Rather, it’s the love walk of Christ.  I AM lives in me, loves me, loves you; therefore, I love you unconditionally and will not intentionally offend or harm or reject you in any way.  By the same token, I understand that what I know of our Christ and of our Daddy may be so radically different from, even opposed to, what you have known thus far as to create a divide you feel you will no longer cross in order to maintain any form of relationship.  It doesn’t affect Christ’s love for either of us.  And it doesn’t affect my love for you, either, even if we never have contact again until we are in heaven seeing clearly what neither of us ever could while on earth.

My writer’s instinct is to bring this all together, to tie it up with some nice, neat closing.  But, it’s not my job!  Besides, that’s where that particular revelation ended that day.  Conversations with Daddy are like that – ongoing.  I daresay We will revisit this very conversation many times, possibly every time someone disagrees with me. That’s part of this journey of life and love in Christ.

Stay tuned . . .


Just One Ingredient

What a difference a year makes!  A year ago, I had a procedure (endoscopy) in which the doctor looked into my small intestine, took some pictures and a biopsy, and confirmed the results of an earlier blood test for celiac disease.  In brief, this is an autoimmune disease that can go on for years without being diagnosed, in which vitamins, nutrients, etc., are not absorbed properly, if at all.  If it continues without diagnosis and treatment, it can cause many seemingly unrelated problems throughout a person’s body.

It was one thing to find out what was at the root of my problems.  It was another to know that the only treatment (not cure) is eliminating gluten completely from my diet.  Some of my symptoms had gotten bad enough that the thought of changing my diet to get relief was a welcome one.  When I realized how drastically everything concerning my food had to be changed immediately, however, the welcome turned into being overwhelmed!

Fast forward to the present.  Because of so much information available on the internet, as well as several well-written books I have read, I’ve learned much of the language of a gluten-free world.  I’ve learned how to navigate menus and ingredient lists, and to be assertive for my health in restaurants.  I still have to think about what I will eat ahead of time, since I can’t snack on just anything anymore, but that is my normal now.  What a difference a year makes!

Better even than the adjustment to a new way of eating, the major improvement in my health is wonderful!  The majority of symptoms I had listed as being related to the celiac disease have improved or completely resolved.  Other things I just considered “Kay quirks” have also improved since the gluten was eliminated.  Taking just one ingredient out of my diet has put my physical health on a path of improvement.  The longer I’m on that path, the greater my health.

Despite all the symptoms by the time of diagnosis, I could have decided it was too hard to make the required changes.  I could have continued eating as always, causing a decreased quality of life, as well as lifespan.  It really wasn’t much of a decision, as radical as it was, because just getting the diagnosis was God’s first answer to my prayers.  I had needed His grace in the midst of not knowing what was happening in my body, and I needed His grace now to live this new lifestyle.  As promised, His grace has been sufficient.  Now I can see the physical healing that I could only hope for a year ago.  Now I can see what He knew when we started on this path.

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12:9 NIV)

I was only asked to give up one ingredient.  Just one.  But what a difference doing without that one ingredient has made in my life.  How much improvement has resulted, including the time I possibly gained to continue sharing the love of Jesus with others!  I need to remember this the next time Daddy points to something in my life that needs changing.

Change of Seasons

fall leaves

The weather is cooler, leaves are changing colors, we’ve had to turn on the heater, the days are shorter, and we’re wearing warmer clothes.  Yes, it’s a change of season and I’m excited about it.  At the same time, it seems I’m in a season of change in life, and I want to be as enthusiastic about it as I am about the change in weather.

I have led various small prayer groups over the years, with differing purposes, and usually different people in each of the groups.  We get to know each other by the Spirit, and sometimes the Lord draws us together into fellowship, as well.  For more than five years, now, three of us have been connected in this way, even going to China together last spring.  I love these two ladies dearly and trust them with my life – both spiritually and naturally.  We are forever connected by the Holy Spirit.

We’ve all been aware for some time that a season of change for our prayer group was approaching; we just didn’t know the exact timing.  The Lord began to prepare us a few months ago for the coming change by calling us to seek Him as to whether we were still to be a part of the group.  Even though all of us recommitted fully, we knew the time was short for things to remain as they were.  A few months later, the season of change is upon us, and the other two women have moved on into the next season of the Lord for them.

I am truly excited for what the Lord will do in this next season of their lives.  He’s been training and preparing them during our five years together for other people who need to know Him as they do.  If they didn’t move on now, in God’s perfect timing, they would stagnate, and miss ministering to and with others the Lord has put in place.  They have chosen to follow His lead away from the comfortable and secure place of the familiar, into the unknown – because it’s their season of change.

Though I have loved our weekly prayer times and the regular fellowship that came from it, I am not sad.  With much anticipation, I look forward to those people the Lord will bring in to replace these women of prayer.  Despite the much He has already accomplished in and through us, there is still much to do in prayer for His body in preparation for Christ’s return.  He’s not finished with this group, but is pruning it for greater fruitfulness in all of us, as well as grafting in new branches with whom we will wrestle against principalities, powers, rulers of darkness, and spiritual wickedness in the heavenly realms on behalf of the body of Christ!

It’s a new season – duration unknown.  I must continue to fix my trust and hope in the Lord, not in what I do or with whom I do it.  I am here for His purposes in every season of life, including seasons of change.  In His plan and purpose, I will forever love and treasure the people connected with me in each season.  I will pour into them and allow them to pour into me as we grow in God together serving Him.  When the season of change comes, I will release them and trust God as we begin all over again.

A season of change in God – how exciting!

Psalm 31:14-15 But I trust in You, O Lord; I say, “You are my God.”  My times are in Your hands . . .

fall leaves2